Tuesday 15 September 2009


I used to watch all awards show. Slightly lame you may think but if that's the case you're probably not as nosey as I am. I'm very nosy. Mr J is not. I can't remember the last time I sat and stuffed my face whilst making shocked noises at who was wearing what and snorting derisively at acceptance speeches. Mr J went and watched football on Sunday afternoon - by the time he returned home I was fully ensconced in the warm up to the Video Music Awards. There was no escape for him, he had to make me supper and shut up.

I have to say I thought Russell Brand was a bizarre and poor choice. I'm British and I didn't find him funny so was not surprised by the lack of laughter from the audience (but of course the Britishness in me did find the stony silence incredibly embarrassing from my sofa). His suit was also dreadful - how he manages to get laid in such unattractive trousers is beyond me!

I don't really want to dwell on the whole Kanye/Taylor thing although I will say that I do agree with Obama the man is a jackass. I felt his comments about the Beyonce video were partly due to who she is and who she's married to but what pissed me off most was that he later 'apologised' saying he was still sad about his mum. I'm pretty sure she'd be pretty sad to be used as an excuse for terrible and completely avoidable public bad behaviour. Obviously Beyonce rectified it on the night by behaving like a complete lady.

The outfits didn't really set my world on fire. I thought Pink looked great in her Balmain dress and dealt well with the fact that Shakira was wearing the same one and arrived five minutes after her. I do hate Pinks trapeze outfit thought - the star over one exposed boob is not a good look for anyone no matter in how good shape you are. I liked Beyonce's red dresses even if one did seem to have a sort of built in bum bag arrangement at the front - I guess she needed somewhere to keep her lipstick - but I found the leotard she performed in pretty unattractive. She does have a fantastic body and I do hate leotards on everyone but I felt the same as I do every time Madonna dons one - 'I just don't want to see that much of your thrusting barely covered crotch'.

I thought Alicia Keys looked good when she performed (I didn't see her non-performance outfit very well) but again leggings can be unflattering and they didn't do her justice. In fact I can remember being quite surprised at how un-great she looked but I think I'm probably just so happy that she got rid of those dreadful side plait/cornrow things that I'll forgive her many a fashion faux pas.

Of course you can't comment on outfits without a little mention to Lady GaGa who managed three costume changes (not including her performance outfit) and looked horrifically uncomfortable in all of them. The first involved a partial mask and full neck brace necklace. The mask I can kind of get my head around even if it made me imagine her living in the roof of Radio City but she looked so uncomfortable not being able to move her neck and I don't think that's a good look. As for the red lacy number over her face - even she got sick of that one when she pulled it off to give her acceptance speech. Third time lucky? Third time better I'd say even though she looked like she'd been called to attend the VMA's in the middle of an ornithological accident and had a birds nest stuck to her face. As a result of all these face cover costume changes her hair looked so unhappy - if hair could cry it would have done. I was shocked to find she is three years younger than me... she looked older on the night and I now think it must have been the hair.

When it comes to the performances I thought they were all pretty good. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys did 'Empire State of Mind' which was fantastic, really atmospheric... almost made me a little weepy and I've never even been to New York. They both sounded great (Jay-Z maybe a little gravelly) and I'd forgotten how talented Alicia Keys actually is. I'm so used to processed music now that I always get a surprise when a girl has a real good pair of lungs! The Michael Jackson tribute was fantastic - was really impressed with the dancers. It's one thing doing all of his most difficult dances but doing them with a massive screen showing him doing them at the same time, talk about pressure. Thought it was slightly weird that they put someone at the front who couldn't do the famous Smooth Criminal lean but maybe it was stage fright. Thought Janet danced well and was really brave - out of all the dancers though she was the only one slightly out of time she does have that Jackson flair though so I think that makes up for it.

Beyonce of course was duty bound to do the 'Single Ladies' dance but didn't actually sing much of the song. Ok I thought, it's a vigorous dance no one wants to hear her singing in a wobbly exercise voice so I forgave her... until I saw Pink perform 'Sober'. 'She's miming' said the ever cynical Mr J. She was not. By far the best performance of the night (I think it was during this performance that she made have separated her shoulder) the trapezing was fantastic and she sang well enough to sound like a recording only her own personal additions made it clear that she was singing live. The woman was being tossed around in the air upside down and was note perfect. Frankly made Beyonce look a little lame for not singing more.

So that's it. That'll probably be the last awards show I'll be allowed to watch for years xx

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